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Joke of the Day

"I met a geologist the other day He seemed gneiss."

"Touch it gently, put two fingers inside... if it's wide use three fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up and down, push in and out... faster and faster! Yep that's how you wash a cup."

"What is a pedophiles favorite Italian meal? Chicken Statutory....I'm going, I'm going...sorry but this is how my brain works before I've had coffee."

"Unfair fight. Housewife Holly Holm defeats Rousey with ironing skills... Because she layed her out and starched her ass."

"I just violated myself in the shower. I didn't want to but rules are rules and I did drop the soap after all."

"Lost and confused in an helicopter"

"What movie title best fits The Flash's sex life? The Fast and the Furious."

"I burnt 1200 calories today! I forgot to take the pizza out of the oven."

"Note to Self: In future interviews, don't say ""Safe in your strong arms"" when the employer asks where I see myself in 5 years."

"I've been waiting for almost half a year to post this this"