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Joke of the Day

"will you marry me? ""OMG YES! I love you!!!"" *imagines typing only 4 characters for 'wife' instead of 'girlfriend' on Twitter* I love you too"

"How do you spell women backwards? Kitchen"

"I have sex almost every day. Today I almost had sex, yesterday I almost had sex..."

"I've been married a long time, but I bet first dates are still the same. Lots of awkward arguments about Reaganomics."

"roundabouts My girlfriend isn't very fond of the many roundabouts that our city is starting to build. I told her that she'd come around to them."

"What do you do if you get a peanut stuck in your ear ? Pour in a little chocolate and it comes out a treat."

"BE WARNED I am taking careful note of all of your sins and reporting back to God in my nightly prayers"

"I just got my prostate examined. That's the last time I fall asleep on the train."

"When my swear jar gets full I'm gonna use the money to buy a motherfucking puppy!"

"I'm at my most Alzheimer's when Billy is that you?"