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Joke of the Day

"#ThingsGirlsDoThatGuysHate tease a man and get all his attention while the second velociraptor ambushes him from his blind spot"

"How many bears could Bear Grylls grill if Bear Grylls could grill bears? Seven."

"Caught myself staring into the medicine cabinet like I do with the refrigerator."

"I'm not racist because... I'd rather be black, than asian."

"It's sad when your closest friends get remarried and you know it'll be another 2-5 years before they're single and ready to hang out again."

"Relationship status~ Siri saw my browser history & now she isn't talking to me either"

"My legs are so white that they stopped listening to their Bon Iver LP to correct my pronunciation of 'quinoa'"

"What do frozen beer, a burnt pizza, and a pregnant woman have in common? An idiot who forgot to take it out earlier."

"Say what you want about deaf people..."

"Why was the driver fired from the destruction derby? He was accused of wreckless driving."