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Joke of the Day

"My legs are so white that they stopped listening to their Bon Iver LP to correct my pronunciation of 'quinoa'"

"Spaces matter in Spanish! Why? Because."

"Q. How does a man show he's planning for the future? A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one."

"Stupid science joke Calcium Carbonate gets into an argument with his friend, electron. ""Why do you always have to be so negative?"" ""Shut up, you're just basic!"""

"EA cut so many corners with the Sims 4 that they made a circle."

"I like reserving tables at restaurants using unique names so I can hear the hostess announce, ""Optimus Prime? Your table for 5 is ready!"""

"What did one earring say to the other? You go on a head, i'll just hang round 'ere"

"Chicago's a dangerous place. Last time I visited I stole two cars and a lady's purse."

"There are two kind of women in this world. Those who get mad about everything, and those who get mad about nothing."

"When's the best time to see an optometrist? When you can't."