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Joke of the Day

"Why, with twice the population of the United States at the time didn't China invent the airplane first? Well, two Wongs don't make a Wright."

"With Fifty Shades of Grey that came out today, cinemas should serve ketchup... ...for all the fish fingers"

"How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb? To get to the other side."

"""It's so hot outside..."" ""...that I poured McDonald's hot coffee on my lap just to cool off."""

"What did the fancy cat say when he wanted to leave? Le meow"

"Me and my wife, we have decided that we don't want kids. They are not gonna like it."

"Grocery produce aisle ME: Hi, are these genetically modified carrots? CLERK: No, why do you ask? CARROT: Yeah, why do you ask?"

"You know who's a real motherfucker? Oedipus"

"If you think my status updates are ridiculous, you should see my life choices."

"Some elements walk into a bar... Oxygen, hydrogen, sulfer, sodium, and phosphorus all walk into a bar. The bartender says, ""OH SNaP!"""