68891

Joke of the Day

"What do watermelons and Khloe Kardashian's vagina have in common? They're both pink in the middle and full of black seeds"

"[NSFW] Why is it so hard for a prostitute to pee in the morning? You ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwich?"

"My girlfriend is the squareroot of -100. She's a 10 but it sucks because she's imaginary."

"What's the difference between a dog and a fox? About 6 drinks"

"If someone is bothering you with unneccessary calls to your cell number, post their number on eBay with the ad ""iPhone 5S for $1 only"""

"Never understood Monopoly. It's like saying, ""Hey we're stressed out about real $, so let's play a game & get stressed out about pretend $."

"Thanks, I wrote the tweet. There's no need to reiterate it back to me with quotation marks."

"I wanna be rich enough to realize that I can't buy happiness."

"Get out of any speeding ticket by assuring the officer that you're already miserable and adequately beaten down by life."

"How did the shrimp eat all the fish food? shellfishly"