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Joke of the Day

"Thanks, I wrote the tweet. There's no need to reiterate it back to me with quotation marks."

"Why don't old women ever have sex? ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwich?"

"Q: What do a bungee jump and a hooker have in common? A: They're both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're dead."

"What does a tornado and a red-neck divorce have in common? Either way someone's going to lose a trailer."

"Tesco reported a 6.4bn loss.. I guess that's what you get for betting on horses!"

"Having sex is like playing a game of bridge If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand."

"So a rabbi, a bishop, a black guy and a mathematician walk into a bar... ...the bartender looks at them and says ""What is this? Some kind of a joke?"""

"elephants are scared of mice they're like 100x their size, stupid massive wimps [a wasp flies in my car and i completely drive off a bridge]"

"Why couldn't Bing start a fire? No matches founds"

"Do you know where my mexican hat is? - It's somewhere bro.. Fine...a sombrero, but what I'm asking is have you seen it?"