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Joke of the Day

"I tried to write with my broken pencil today it was pointless"

"How much blow can Charlie sheen do? Enough to kill two and a half men."

"Why did the semen cross the road? Because I put on the wrong socks this morning."

"Was very disappointed when I went into a German restaurant and asked for their best but they served me their wurst"

"Just had a 9 minute argument with The Boy over why he needs to change his underwear this morning. Don't forget your birth control, friends."

"The longest relationship I had was 10 days. Then she deflated."

"Everyone: Why don't you have kids? *points to dead cactus*"

"Why do Jews have big noses? Because air is free. (Stolen from my science textbook)"

"""Haha, you failed."" ""Yeah, so did your dads condom."""

"My shy father was killed by a falling piano. His funeral was very low key."