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Joke of the Day

"I'm not a ""stalker"". I want to make sure you're okay at all times. You can look at me as an unpaid bodyguard."

"It was so cold out today I actually saw a few gangsters with their pants pulled up."

"Just went for a piss while still wearing my microphone and the whole conference heard me call the urinal a ""thirsty boy"""

"How many heretics does it take to change a lightbulb? We're not sure, they've yet to see the light."

"My parents won't say which of their six kids they love the best, but they have told me I finished just out of the top five."

"Never treat someone like a saturday night when they treat you like a monday morning."

"This chic on Facebook said she ran 17 miles yesterday. Where I live the police would have gave up after like, IDK, 6 miles maybe."

"So a horse walks into a bar... The bartender says, ""Why the long face?"" The horse responds, ""They wouldn't renew Sex and the City for another season."""

"What kind of music does a pirate like? Arrr'n'B"

"How can you tell which end of a worm is which ? Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs !"