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Joke of the Day

"I'm starting to wish I were a werewolf so I'd have a better reason for waking up nude in public with no memory of how I got there."

"what's the worst part about eating vegetables? Putting them back in the wheelchair when you're done."

"Do you know how I feel about muscle relaxers? I valium."

"I got a shopping cart today with 4 working wheels, it was full of lingerie models and self confidence and I was dreaming"

"I believe in God and have a sense of humor about it. But when you insist that makes me an idiot, you sound as tolerant as Mel Gibson."

"Any fountain can be a Fountain of Youth if filled with champagne and you've had 5 glasses."

"What is the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? The people in Dubai don't watch the Flintstones but the people in Abu Dhabidoooo!"

"They say one in every 3 neighbors is a pedophile Thankfully there isn't one next to me... just 2 smoking hot 6 year olds."

"How can you tell when Clinton is lying? Her lips are moving. Yeah, it's an old joke but then again, so is she."

"Millions are killed each year because they go potty without checking behind the shower curtain first. Be smart. Peep before you poop."