6835

Joke of the Day

"You know what really grinds my gears? Not pushing my clutch pedal down far enough"

"A low pressure faucet and a penis with erectile dysfunction have a lot in common.... Both can still drain their liquids but neithers getting anything off"

"ME: *looks up from tarot card* So is Death laughing at a smoldering corpse a good thing? PSYCHIC: *wide-eyed* At this point, I don't know."

"Every time I watch cartoons I imagine how badly they must reek of B.O. because they're always wearing the same thing."

"My friend asked me why I still buy vinyl. I told him 'Records are always a sound purchase.'"

"I think I hear burglars dear. Are you awake? No!"

"Lunch. Meeting. Sure, let's ruin both at once."

"For Earth Day, turn on your air conditioner and open your doors and windows. If we all work together, we can totally cool this planet."

"Did you hear about the double reed players having sex? They made one hell of a [rackett](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rackett)."

"Light a fire for a man and he'll be warm for the evening. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."