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Joke of the Day

"I think I hear burglars dear. Are you awake? No!"

"If Panic! At the disco were Mexican... They would be called Hispanics at the disco"

"{Stalker Diary} I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night."

"Ted Cruz has aborted his campaign ..but I say he should be forced to carry it to full term"

"What does a guy with a big penis have for breakfast? Well, I had eggs for breakfast."

"What does a buisness man wear to the beach A wet suit What am i doing with my life..."

"I asked my mom if I was pretty or ugly She said both, Im pretty ugly."

"[at airport] TSA: sir, you've been randomly chosen for a cavity search. ME: that's cool i didn't know my flight included a dental cleaning"

"I was pumping some iron in the gym yesterday, when the trainer pointed out that the hole in the weights was supposed to be for attaching them to a bar."

"What do you call a hen staring at lettuce? Chicken sees-a salad"