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Joke of the Day

"The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who's half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed"

"You guys wanna see something cool? http://www.fda.gov/ucm/groups/fdagov-public/documents/image/ucm197598.bmp"

"SPOILER ALERT: In the book ""What to Expect When You're Expecting,"" it's a baby. You're expecting a baby."

"It was so cold out today I actually saw a few gangsters with their pants pulled up."

"Hate being a funeral director ""why'd u take the job?"" I inherited it from my dad ""You could've just declined it"" And lose my first customer?"

"TIFU by trying to be witty at the airport... The TSA confiscated my protein powder asking ""Are you planning on building any bombs with this substance?"" I replied ""No, only guns."""

"I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial."

"Who is currently leading in the Pirate Party Polls? Noone. Pirates don't have poles, they have masts."

"*turns on the news* I wonder if things are getting better in the wor-- tv: AN ALLIGATOR ATE A BABY"

"Why was the Dark Age dark? Because there were too many knights...."