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Joke of the Day

"Did you here the one about the midget that finally admitted he was gay? He came out of the cupboard."

"I painted my computer black so it would run faster Now it doesn't work. Edit: Should I have tagged this with something? New to posting here"

"What's the difference between people who voted for Trump, and those that didn't? On average, about $30,000 in student debt."

"Why did the little boy throw the linen off the bed when he saw a ghost? He was scared sheetless."

"Self Respect is... Washing your hands before you take a piss. ...or rather, leave one."

"[NSFW] Do you know who is the best at brushing their teeth? Adult males because they have experience at grasping a firm rod and moving it back and forth in a rapid motion."

"My dog just saved my life by ferociously barking at nothing outside."

"What doesn't float to the top when it dies? A day old reddit post."

"Good news: I finally had sex with my wife last night! Bad news: I spent the entire 60secs wondering how I was going to tweet it to you guy"

"It's not a real twitter addiction until you look up from your phone and you've missed your exit by 37 states."