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Joke of the Day

"It's not a real twitter addiction until you look up from your phone and you've missed your exit by 37 states."

"My office's password has been hacked. That's the third time i've had to rename the cat."

"I hear the FDA just approved Bill Cosby.... Common side effects include drowsiness, loss of memory, taste of penis, and in rare cases, sore genitals."

"What do you call a cheap circumcision ? A rip off."

"My door bell rang this morning. I didn't even know it had a phone."

"Why did the girl get grumpy after anal sex? She was butthurt."

"I'm dating a supermodel with hemiparesis. She's not half-bad."

"The best way to get a job is to hold the other person's hand through the interview. If you don't get hired, no worries. You made a friend."

"If a cannibal kills me he better have the right kind of Zip-loc bags! If I get tossed out because of freezer burn I'm going to be pissed!"

"Where are average things built? In a satisfactory"