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Joke of the Day

"My ex sent me a picture to remind of what I'm giving up. I sent her a picture of my new girl so she knows I don't give a f*ck..."

"Wife thinks I was present for every conversation she's had with anyone, ever, and assumes I know what the hell she's talking about right now"

"Have you ever tried to do ""The Dolphin"" during sex? It's when you try and stick it in the butt and she shakes her head saying ""eh-eh, eh-eh, eh-eh""."

"Did you know Achilles was a runway model? He was fired because of his walk. He had a problem with heels."

"I guess it's time to face the reality that I just do not want to rock and roll all night. Nor do I wish to party eva-ree day."

"My pastor said the day gay marriage was made fully legal in the US was worse than 9/11."

"What did the helicopter... What did the helicopter dick spinner say to initiate gyration? GO GO GADGET!!"

"I probably shouldn't have spent $500 on that pair of leather sunglasses... But hidesight is 20/20, I suppose"

"Did you hear they're republishing that Simple Mathematics study guide? It's the revised edition. (Revise Addition)"

"If you went camping and woke up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone? If not, do you wanna go camping?"