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Joke of the Day

"3 days ago I ate my daughters's m&m's while she was napping. When she woke I told her the cat ate 'em She's still mad at the cat. Dumb kid."

"just missed a turn because I was trying to tweet ""dong cheadle"" while driving"

"Q: Why did the computer squeak? A: Someone stepped on the mouse."

"What do you call a cold puppy? A chili dog."

"Q: What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy? A: A puppy stops whining after it grows up."

"The roads must have been full of Communists... I kept hitting reds on the way home."

"On a stakeout. Getting bored. Wish these perps would do something. Oh crap. Got my dong stuck in my cd player."

"What did the Zucchini say when it got stepped on? *squash*"

"Greatest days of my life: 3) Day I got married 2) Day my first kid was born 1) Day Facebook let you turn off notifications for their games"

"I always thought a chickpea was just when girls go to the bathroom in groups."