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Joke of the Day

"Greatest days of my life: 3) Day I got married 2) Day my first kid was born 1) Day Facebook let you turn off notifications for their games"

"What do you call a group of Mexicans doing work? Manuel labour."

"Last night a burglar broke into my house but I quickly popped open a bag of potato chips & hid in all that free space."

"wife: it looks too tight me: it's fine, let's just go [ten minutes later paramedics have to cut my turtleneck off after I pass out]"

"What did the comedy club proprietor say to the FedEx guy? The jokes are ok but you need to work on your delivery."

"Don't call Donald Trump a cunt. He lacks the warmth and depth."

"Why are dirty jokes so uncommon Because the punchline's always so hard"

"Co-worker: My husband & I are praying for a baby. Me: You know that's not how you get 1, right? You gotta have sex. What does HR want now?"

"The Republicans told us that if we let the gays marry, soon people'd be marring horses! I'm still waiting. :("

"World War II jokes aren't funny... Anne Frank-ly I don't care for them."