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Joke of the Day
"just missed a turn because I was trying to tweet ""dong cheadle"" while driving"
Next Joke
"[at bar] Gee, I'm so hungry I could eat a horse *nearby horse slams down his whisky* COME ON THEN TOUGH GUY *horse throws the 1st punch*"
"My buddy's autistic twin brother has a seizure while on a camping trip, causing my buddy to miss his first day on the job at Dominoes. ""Tell the manager your brother had a Little Caesar"""
"Good for you when one door closes & another door opens. For the rest of us that usually means we're in jail."
"My wife left me due to my obsession for classical music.. I hope she takes me Bach"
"How do you make a fire with two sticks? You make sure one is a match !"
"WIFE: OMG how did grandma's ashes get knocked off the mantel? ME: Actually I think it was- *cat makes throat slice gesture* -the wind"
"What did the rapper ask the pet sitter when he got back from vacation? Where my dogs at?"
"I hate these supposedly ""funny t-shirts"". Just the other day I saw one which on the front said ""I'm not gay..."" and on the back said ""but my boyfriend is"". So I asked my girlfriend to take it off."
"During our First Dance at our Wedding My new wife looked into my eyes and said ""Where have you been my whole life?"" I said ""SOBER"""