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Joke of the Day

"What's the hardest part of eating a vegetable? ....getting her out of the wheelchair."

"LOUD PART, quiet part, LOUD PART, quiet part. There, I wrote a symphony. What's the big deal?"

"Really, 6 more inches of snow today. My front yard is getting more action than me."

"As a child I had difficulty putting things down It's a habit I can't seem to let go."

"Honestly, after an hour of Disney Channel I don't give a shit about the future"

"Maybe that neighbor without a Wi-Fi password isn't an idiot. Maybe he's generous. And an idiot."

"What do you do with 365 used condoms? Roll them into a tire and call it a Goodyear."

"So the UK Government can now read my internet history... So I guess the only way I'm ever seeing tentacle porn again is if I take a shitload of LSD and watch Spongebob. Cruel world."

"Hey my American friend, I heard you like Football jersey's so I got you the new Irish Kit!! *Um, Bro?*"

"Birth control pills should really be made for men. It makes more sense to unload a gun than to shoot a bullet proof vest"