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Joke of the Day

"Wait ... ""El Chapo"" is a Mexican drug lord .... and not the guy who's been stealing our Chapsticks for years ?"

"What do you call a Winston using his Jetpack?? A Boosted Animal"

"How do you have sex with a male corpse You cant. His penis wont get hard."

"Why were the teachers eyes so crossed? She couldn't control her pupils."

"Sometimes I feel so alone, and then I remember I'm a part of the biggest, most reliable 4G network in the country."

"What do you call a pessimistic pelican? A pelican't."

"What is a surgeon's excuse for not wearing a condom? Don't worry baby, I'm sterile."

"this is your brain *an egg* this is your brain on drugs *egg in frying pan* this is your brain skateboarding *egg on a skateboard* haha nice"

"Why don't chickens wear underwear? Because their pecker's on their face!"

"Live today like it's your last day. But pay bills and dress appropriately just in case it isn't."