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Joke of the Day

"How do Canadians take care of their skin? Maybe it's maple leaf."

"How are you supposed to buy a gift for your mom as an adult? It's like, oh you gave birth to me? Please enjoy this fancy candle."

"You lost me at ""my psychic said.."""

"Its not drinking alone if the highway patrol has informed you they're calling for back up."

"Yes, I do have a stalker. They call me every day, will occasionally buy me underwear, and know more about me than I do. I call her ""Mom."""

"Bernie Sanders said it's time for him to cut the BS His new name is Ernie Anders"

"What do you call a fat Japanese bloke... Jackie Chin"

"Roses are red violets are glorious. You should never surprise Oscar Pistorius!"

"[in the park] ME: aww look a baby WIFE: is it on me?! ME: um no it's in a stroll- WIFE: *swatting herself* I FEEL LIKE IT'S ON ME"

"She changed her mind .. Hope the new one works !! ~TF"