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Joke of the Day

"He who understands women, dies under mysterious circumstances..."

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"I went to the funeral of the man who invented the throat lozenge. There was no coffin."
"I got robbed tonight at Shell. I called the cops & they asked if I knew who did it I said ""Yeah, pump 6."""
"What did the egg say to the boiling water? Sorry I can't get hard right now. I just got laid."
"If at first you don't succeed, get her drunk."
"What do you call it when a fruit studders? A peach impediment."
"a keyboard walks into a barbershop on the international space station ""i just want an easy, short cut"". then he hit the bar"
"My wife said I'm picky. I said obviously not picky enough. Anyone need a roommate tonight?"
"Where do you drown hipsters? In the mainstream"
"When the smog clears over Los Angeles... ... U.C.L.A. I am not at all sorry for this joke. Edit: So at some point I went from 20 to 923 upvotes. I regret not checking this sooner."