67764

Joke of the Day

"My ex talked me into marriage I mean, she was my girlfriend before she became my wife"

"Got an MRI. Nurse asked if I had bad kidneys. Told her I won ""best kidneys"" in my high school yearbook. She didnt laugh. We didnt talk again"

"LPT: Take your garbage can to the supermarket with you so you can see which items you've recently ran out of."

"My steer got constipated the other day... ...No bullshit."

"What do the English use to blow up their enemies? Tea N' Tea."

"[date] W: I'm really into astronomy. M: Oh! What's your sign? W: The one that knows the difference between science & superstitious idiocy."

"What shoe can fit 206 million feet in it? Honshu!"

"[sketchy parking lot] stranger: hey man, can you jump my car? me: maybe if i get a running start"

"Vegetarians maliciously starve animals by competing with them for the same food."

"I hate it when I go to bed and forget to turn off my swag."