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Joke of the Day

"Him: So whattayou wanna do? Her: I dunno Him: So...You wanna play video games? Her: No! Him: So...You wanna watch me play video games?"

"whenever i watch the tv show Friends, i imagine im the seventh friend, Dirk, who just stays home while all his friends do stuff without him"

"Judge: and how does the defendant plead Lawyer: like this your honor *makes whiny voice *nooo I didn't do any crimes* Judge: HAH do it again"

"A programmer goes on a walk. Before he leaves the house his wife tells him: ""While you are outside, please buy some bread."" He never returned."

"Since we're at it: Dating in your 30s is like registering a domain name... The good ones are all taken. But you can always get one from an exotic country..."

"The holidays are coming. If you do NOT want snakes please send me a notarized letter asking for NO SNAKES. Otherwise you are getting snakes."

"Why would you stay friends with an ex-girlfriend? When you get fired from a job, you don't stay around and watch other people do your job."

"I love using sign language It's a real hands-on experience."

"Why do Australians have a well balanced walk? They've a chip on both shoulders"

"In a farmers market, Farmer A sells pumpkins, Farmer B sells strawberries, what does Farmer C sell? Medicine ... runs off ..."