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Joke of the Day
"Thought I could safely force a fart... But it backfired."
Next Joke
"What do accountants use for birth control? Their personalities."
"What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito? You can't. A mosquito is a vector and the mountain climber is a scaler. Courtesy of my physics professor."
"You have 90,000 followers, follow 92,000, and all you tweet are @s thanking people for following back. Are you raising an army for Mordor?"
"Thinking of getting another kitchen table just for all my mail"
"So a Pokemon go user found a Mewtwo at a bar... 20,000 Pokemon go users walk into a bar."
"Being politically correct sucks. I can't even say ""black paint"" anymore. Now I have to say, ""hey Jamal would you please go paint that fence over there?"""
"What do you call two crows? Attempted murder"
"My scout leader taught me a very valuable lesson... ... ""If you lick your fingers and wet it a little, it will slide right in"". Threading needles has never been this easy!"
"Today I'm 45. But with the wind chill I feel like 32."