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Joke of the Day

"What do you call two crows? Attempted murder"

"There's 2 cows in a paddock One says ""moo"" the other says ""damn, I was just about to say that."""

"When is the best time to go to the dentist? 2:30"

"I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream"

"I just burned 12000 calories I left the pizza in the oven"

"I need to stop seeing caution tape as some kind of finish line."

"A red and blue ship collided in the Mediterranean today. The survivors are marooned."

"What does a bungie jumper and a condom wearer have in common? If the rubber snaps they're screwed. <----- this is a classic xD"

"""I'm sorry"" and ""my bad"" mean the same thing... Unless you're at a funeral."

"[sees girl reading Lord of the Rings] ""Ah I love that book. The way that guy is just [clenches fist] the Lord of all those freakin rings."""