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Joke of the Day
"Today I'm 45. But with the wind chill I feel like 32."
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"""How do you find anything in here?!"" -my mugger, giving my purse back"
"My wife says she hates domestic abuse So I now do my crunches outside the house"
"What kind of pig do sows dislike? Male Chauvinist Pigs."
"What does a feminist doorbell say? Stop-oppressing-me"
"Working for sanitation truly is a thankless job Not only do you have to take your boss's shit, you have to deal with everyones"
"My parents are pretty middle aged. ""So? That's pretty norm-"" *two knights bust in* ""CHILD, DOST THOU REQUEST REFRESHMENTS FROM THE TAVERN?"""
"There was a homeless guy walking down my street.. I was gonna give him a few bucks but his sign said: ""ONE DAY IT MIGHT BE YOU"". I put the money back in my pocket just in case he's right."
"I wrote a horror story using only six words. Donald Trump won the presidential election."
"[interview at winery] What strengths do you bring to the job? *long pause while Jesus glares at interviewer* Are you being serious right now"