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Joke of the Day

"I scream. You scream. We all scream. I'm not supposed to be at this slumber party."

"Women go crazy only once a month for 30 days."

"By my calculations, I've spent approximately $39 throughout my life to watch bananas turn brown on my kitchen table"

"I tried out to be a porn actor today, I was told I was under-qualified."

"If I had a nickel for every time I got distracted... I'm in the mood for some ice cream."

"Back home from the chinese paralympics."

"Hendrix didn't need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD."

"How do you get someone to pay child support? Blackmail."

"My parent's kitchen was designed with 11 light switches, all of which turn on the garbage disposal if you're trying to be quiet"

"You cant have crisis without ISIS"