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Joke of the Day

"Wife : don't forget to pick up the kids at the school Me : why"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Adore ! Adore who ? Adore stands between us open up !"

"[on way to play charades with gf's family] I don't wanna go why I don't wanna look silly you won't *first thing I have to act out is pasta*"

"Protect your Twitter account from plagiarism by only tweeting things that nobody cares about."

"I have a thing for older men. Not cuz I have 'daddy issues', but because I also like to eat dinner at 4:30 and be asleep by 8pm."

"Did you hear about the crazy Mexican train theif? He has loco motives."

"What do you call? (NSFW) What do you call a woman with no legs? I've got no idea, but have you seen the mess a snail makes?"

"""Hard at Work"" The story of a male porn star."

"Shut up, will you?"" ""Oh, I'm sorry, Your Highness, should I go get you your coffee and tea now?"

"Did you hear about the scarecrow who won an Oscar? He was out standing in his field."