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Joke of the Day

"Why are Asians no good a football ( soccer) ? Because whenever they get a corner they open a shop !"

"I was at a gas station and I accidentally filled up my escort with diesel. She died."

"Tell the Starbucks barista that your name is Voldemort. Watch for those who don't flinch when the name is called. They will be your allies."

"All liquor stores are open 24 hours. When you have a brick."

"So a priest and a kid walk into the forest The kid says to the priest, ""wow, im pretty scared."" the priest says, ""your scared? I have to walk out of here alone."""

"[1st date] Me: I've got crabs [date leaves] [back home looking at my fish tank] ""It's all right guys, one day I'll find one who'll like you"""

"Don't hear many Limerick jokes any more. So I wrote one. There was a man named Johnathan Hicks, who liked to write limericks. But his Poems were crude, and many lewd, so his balls were often kicked."

"If you get a divorce in Arkansas... ... is she still your sister?"

"I just wrote go f*** yourself on a piece of paper and put it in the suggestion box at work."

"If money can't buy happiness, explain ice cream. You can't."