43747

Joke of the Day

"The lord said unto John, ""Come forth and receive eternal life,"" but john came fifth and won a toaster."

"I was really bad in school. I failed maths so many times, I can't even count."

"Die Hard (1988) A shoeless New Yorker murders a bunch of people at his wife's office Christmas party."

"I bought a new fragrance today... Bc I heard with the right Cologne, women just can't say no to you"

"What do you call a puppy combined with bread? Well, It's not a purebread anymore."

"How many Obama-voters does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Obama voters are obviously too lazy to work at anything, so they just HOPE for the lightbulb to CHANGE."

"The scariest moment in the world is when a 3yo looks at you and says CLOSE YOUR EYES AND OPEN YOUR MOUTH"

"[finds sock with hole in it] *gets angry* [puts sock back in same drawer] *repeats forever*"

"I had a terrible nightmare last night that I ate a muffler. Today, I'm so exhausted."

"Lawyer: As My Lord knows,... Judge: Don't presume I know it, counsel. Lawyer: Beg pardon. *clears throat* As My Lord ought to know..."