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Joke of the Day

"The lord said unto John, ""Come forth and receive eternal life,"" but john came fifth and won a toaster."

Next Joke
 
"I was really bad in school. I failed maths so many times, I can't even count."
"Die Hard (1988) A shoeless New Yorker murders a bunch of people at his wife's office Christmas party."
"I bought a new fragrance today... Bc I heard with the right Cologne, women just can't say no to you"
"What do you call a puppy combined with bread? Well, It's not a purebread anymore."
"How many Obama-voters does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Obama voters are obviously too lazy to work at anything, so they just HOPE for the lightbulb to CHANGE."
"The scariest moment in the world is when a 3yo looks at you and says CLOSE YOUR EYES AND OPEN YOUR MOUTH"
"[finds sock with hole in it] *gets angry* [puts sock back in same drawer] *repeats forever*"
"I had a terrible nightmare last night that I ate a muffler. Today, I'm so exhausted."
"Lawyer: As My Lord knows,... Judge: Don't presume I know it, counsel. Lawyer: Beg pardon. *clears throat* As My Lord ought to know..."