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Joke of the Day

"A man spends his first 9 months trying to get out of the womb and the rest of his life trying to get back in"

"Is your name country crock, cause you can spread for me anytime."

"I did laundry for 7 miles according to my Fitbit that I accidentally washed and dried."

"What if Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady? And we will never know because he can't stand up."

"Me: I don't feel well Mom: Did you eat the plastic fruit again, Gigi? Me: No Mom: ... Me: ... Mom: ... Me: *throws up plastic banana*"

"You know you're getting old when your decision to sleep with someone is mostly based on the quality of their mattress and pillows."

"A really hot girl walks into a bar... brb"

"Gluten Margarine, Reddit! That's Food-German for ""good morning""."

"Its and old, old joke... But some how it came to mind last night: ""Apart from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?"" (Tnx to Jeff Greenfield)"

"at the salon thinking of going darker for winter maybe i'll kill the shampoo girl"