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Joke of the Day

"- do u like green eggs & ham? - i do not like them, sam i am - but why? - animal agriculture leads to global warming sam read a goddamn book"

"Da Bears. That's it that's the whole joke."

"Whenever there is injustice in the world, Americans will rise up and retweet a hashtag."

"I have a dog named Lucky... Sometimes he escapes so we have to go get Lucky. And sometimes it'll be dark out so we'll be up all night to get Lucky."

"What day does an Easter egg hate the most? Fry-days."

"Today I witnessed an amputee being hanged. I tried to save him, but yelled out all the wrong letters. (H/T Demetri Martin)"

"So a Korean ferry capsized with over 280 people lost overboard. Not entirely a waste. Now we have 280 extra divers looking for flight MH370."

"Cowboy:"" Give me three packs of condoms, please."" Cashier:"" Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"" Cowboy: ""Nah...She's purty good lookin'...."""

"Girls are like dead babies... There's several in my basement"

"Teacher: Why are you late? Boy: My fish died. Teacher: What fish? Boy: You don't know him he goes to different school."