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Joke of the Day

"Why did the lesbian cross the street? She was emo."

"I put Red Bull in the hummingbird feeder. I'm pretty sure I just saw one go back in time..."

"What's one thing a woman can never say no to? Rape."

"I was at the beach and the lifeguard blew his whistle at me. Dude, I'm 40. I'm not listening to a teenager in a bathing suit."

"How do you know if your friend has an iPhone? They tell you."

"TIFU by picking up a dead bee. It wasn't. Now my thumb hurts."

"Did you hear about the photographer that got locked in his darkroom? He died of exposure. It was not a pretty picture."

"Startup idea: a gym named Resolution that runs for the 1st month of the year, collects subscription fee, then converts to a bar named Regret"

"What is a guy who hangs out with musicians called? A singer"

"One of my friends maintains that tomorrow doesn't come until you've have 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. He also maintains that it's September 7th, 1998."