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Joke of the Day

"Why did the lesbian cross the street? She was emo."

"Why did the hippie stick his penis in the chick peas? Because he was a hummusexual..."

"How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the Jaw."

"What kind of underwear do the GI Joes wear? None, they go commando."

"What's the difference between a soldier and a teacher? As a soldier, it is your job to kill people. As a teacher, it is your job to try very hard not to kill people."

"Don't just be one of those people who stares at their phone or computer twelve hours a day. It's important to also watch some TV."

"I find that most women are like roller coasters... They won't let me on them because I'm too fat."

"I wish my wife was one of those government agents who aren't allowed to talk about what they did at work all day."

"How many tumblr users does it take to change a lightbulb? Light is triggering, shitlord. DOWN WITH THE BULBTRIARCHY"

"What do you call a man with no hands and a book? A read-only man."