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Joke of the Day

"Startup idea: a gym named Resolution that runs for the 1st month of the year, collects subscription fee, then converts to a bar named Regret"

"Imagine if the Indians gave the pilgrims a donkey... Then we'd all get a little ass for thanksgiving."

"*places empty liquor bottle on shelf for display* I'm An Animal Now Everyone. I Decorate With Trash. Literally An Animal"

"Let me tell you why going outside is not safe. Because chances are after a few days you end up retweeting a joke about yourself."

"What did the leper say to the prostitute? keep the tip."

"Q: What does a cat sleep on? A: A caterpillow."

"I heard from a terrorist that they are planning a nine-eleven attack times a thousand... That's right it's gonna be 911,000"

"Me, hold a grudge? Never. I carry a battle axe at all times and settle any nonsense as it happens."

"Why do sheep love Star Wars Episode V? Because Dey-go-bah."

"Map Makers Are Perverts Give those guys an inch, and they'll make it a mile"