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Joke of the Day

"Me blacking out when I'm drunk is God's way of telling me that what I do when I drink is none of my business."

"therapist: ""remember there are no stupid questions"" wife: ""okay"" therapist: ""keith you start"" me: ""do sharks ever need to have a bath?"""

"What do you call a bad Italian neighborhood? The spaghetto."

"So Twilight jokes - What does a vampire call a used tampon? A teabag."

"Two condoms..... Two condoms pass a gay bar. One says to the other, ""Let's go in and get shit-faced."""

"There was a male striper who absolutely hated his line of work and wanted to quit. The pay was really good though, so he decided to stick it out for a little bit longer."

"Doc: ""Your arm is broken. I'll put you in a cast for a while and it'll recover."" Me: ""Ok, but I don't get how being in a movie will help."""

"I like how babies always look drunk. Even after only one beer."

"Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious."

"Gary Coleman died of multiple aneurysms.... which is kind of like Different Strokes."