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Joke of the Day

"Which unit describes the intensity of light in South Africa? Nelson Candela"

"What's the worst thing about getting bitten by a poisonous spider? You're probably Australian. EDIT: I mean venomous, not poisonous. I am sorry"

"Did you know Achilles was a runway model? He was fired because of his walk. He had a problem with heels."

"Good credit is like Good Pussy, It sticks around until the money is gone."

"What's the difference between a boy scout and a jew? Only one makes it back from camp."

"Everyone has a thigh gap... ...when they're doing the splits."

"Adele called her first albums 19 & 21 because they are numbers that have special importance to her life Her follow up 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510 is due out next month."

"When did you stop beating your wife? When we stopped having masturbation races."

"if you collect ladies of the night [nsfw] does that make you a whorder"

"Why is the Pharaoh a rare tuba player? Because he Toots Uncommon."