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Joke of the Day

"The last thing my wife gave me before she died... ... was her epi pen. I don't know why, but it seemed like she thought it was very important that I have it."

"What's Donald Trump's favorite drug? Cuckaine"

"What do old lady vaginas smell like? Depends."

"My Doctor says I'm a serious alcoholic, but I think I'm more of a funny alcoholic."

"My friend went into a sudden trance where she imagined she was stuck in a Pistachio. I told her to snap out of it. -She couldn't.-"

"Put that down you fat piece of sh*t' the title of the dieting book I'm writing."

"You know what's worse than your tribal tattoo? The story about why you got it."

"A buddy and I are in the same programming class My friend starts writing down a note I look at it He says ""Hay! That note is private"" I respond ""But we are in the same class"""

"I knew the guy who invented the clothes iron. Unfortunately, he died from being ironed on the face. I still remember the iron-y smell of his blood."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! C-2 ! C-2 who ? C-2 it that you don't forget my name next time !"