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Joke of the Day

"Put that down you fat piece of sh*t' the title of the dieting book I'm writing."

"A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket.. And says ""Some asshole's got my pen!"""

"I have recently changed the sound of my alarm clock to ""Justin Bieber - Baby"" Now I wake up 5 minutes earlier every day, so I don't have to listen to it."

"What do you mean by being loud? quiet the opposite."

"Why did the boy take a ladder to school? He wanted to go to high school."

"[NSFW] What's the difference between a sex doll and a store mannequin? Persistence."

"Primaries are like childbirth. After a great deal pain, yelling, and recrimination, everyone forgets how awful it was until the next time."

"I think it's been enough time to warrant a Star Wars spoiler... Yoda is dead"

"Why can't you fool an abortion? It wasn't born yesterday."

"You can tell Tim Horton's is a Canadian franchise, because my donut just apologized for making me fat."