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Joke of the Day

"If someone could find a way to make all pets live as long as humans that person would win all the Nobel prizes until the end of time."

"How does one turn a fox into a pig?.. ...Marry her."

"I haven't talked to my girlfriend for the last couple days because of my addiction to this new game. I think The Division is really starting to get to her."

"They're predicting record highs for Wednesday. In other news the weather will be hotter than usual."

"What does Joaquin Phoenix say when a car almost hits him? ''Hey! I'm Joaquin here!''"

"What does an egg say to a pot of boiling water? It's gonna take me a while to get hard, I just got laid by this chick."

"My ex-wife was a great housekeeper... she kept the house after the divorce."

"What's E.T. short for? So he can fit in his spaceship."

"if you don't appreciate Dwayne ""The Rock"" Johnson, I guess you could say you're taking him for granite. thanks & God bless"

"In my country you can't fight with corruption but you can deal with it."