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Joke of the Day

"""Mum! Dad's got his cock in the biscuit barrel!"" ""Don't worry, he's just fucking crackers."""

"I'm pitching a prison dating show called 'America's Next Top Bottom'"

"Never hit a man while he's down... Kick him, it's easier."

"what do anal sex and vegetables have in common? you enjoy both more as an adult if they arent forced on you as a child."

"I was walking down the road today and saw my Afghani neighbor, Abdul, standing on his fifth floor apartment balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, ""What's up Abdul, won't it start?"""

"If I had a penny.. for every time a girl asked me out I'd have 5 cents. She said if I came back a sixth time, she'd call the cops."

"A sloth was robbed by 2 turtles Sloth robbed by 2 turtles. Cop asks if he could describe the assailants. Sloth replies, ""It all happened so fast."""

"Post this on your Facebook then count your programmer friends. My phone is broken, please send me message on my Facebook or my Gmail."

"The spanish word of the day is ""Juicy"" ""TELL ME IF *JUICY* THE COPS!"""

"My mate reckons he can tighten nuts and bolts just by sitting on them. Personally I think he torques out of his arse..."