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Joke of the Day

"Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees? They're really good at it."

"If you cross your fingers after surgery you'll heal faster Or maybe that's just super stichin'"

"What do women and dog shit have in common? The older they get, the easier they are to pick up."

"If my guitar weeped, gently or otherwise, the song I'd write would be called, ""Holy Shit, My Fucking Guitar Is Weeping."""

"I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste."

"So why is it called the ""funny bone""? BECASE IT'S ATTACHED TO YOUR HUMERUS"

"Maybe if you knew Garfield's parents were murdered on a monday by anti lasagna activists you wouldn't be so judgmental."

"I want to tattoo ""platform 9 and 3/4"" over my ass 'cause you wouldn't think you'd get in there but you can Edit:words"

"Dad:why are your eyes so red? Son: i was smoking marijuana Dad: don't lie to me, you were crying because you're a faggot"

"Why do you keep saying flail? Because Fail isn't in my vocabulary. ------- Overheard on the train."