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Joke of the Day

"On a cold, late December day... ... the wall calendar looked across the room at the advent calendar and said: ""It looks like our days are numbered, pal""."

"A programmers wife asks him to go to the grocery She says ""Get a gallon of milk. If they have eggs, get 12."" The programmer returns with 12 gallons of milk."

"Walking into a fro-yo shop is probably what it's like walking into a Japanese girl's purse."

"How do you get a date on Tinder? Seriously guys, I've been trying for months so if anyone have any useful tips it would be much appreciated."

"Pretty sure I know what my wife's getting me for my birthday cause when I guessed, ""A 3-way?"" she got all angry like I ruined the surprise."

"Marijuana should've been legalized at the same time as same sex-marriage because it says in the bible, a man who lies with another man shall be stoned"

"Why is /r/jokes so keen to build a wall to keep things out that aren't funny? They're afraid of the competition."

"Why did the tree install solar panels? It wanted to be a power plant."

"What do you call two debunked ghost sightings? A pair'a'normal activities."

"What do you call a girl who stands in the middle of a bowling alley? Elaine"