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Joke of the Day

"if ur fighting with your bae but sleepy, write what you're mad about on a piece of paper so u can continue in the morning"

"Don't mind me. Just over here shaking my phone like a Magic 8-Ball, trying to get the screen to rotate back."

"Why did the star go to the bathroom? Because it had to Twinkle."

"A guy who won free buffets for life committed suicide the other day I guess he had a lot on his plate."

"I went to ferguson and all I got was this stupid T-Shirt And this cash register, and this Xbox, and this flat screen tv."

"Q: What did the Spanish farmer say to his chickens? A: Oh-lay!"

"What did one cell say to his sister that stepped on his toe? Mitosis"

"Whaaa? You taste brides? RT MatrooKiBijlee: Bridal tasting was a success! The only thing I regret is not taking pictures. But still...."""

"I don't want to be Oprah rich.I want to be ""never drink off brand soda"" or ""my car stops because I hit the pedal,not because I prayed"" rich."

"What's the difference between your work and your wife ? In 5 years, your work will still suck"