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Joke of the Day

"We should really use the blackjack scale to rate women. For example: ""Every girl here is ugly"" ""Well, what about her? "" ""Eh, she's like a 15 or 16. Not sure if I'd hit it"""

"What lies on the bottom of the ocean and sweats? A nervous wreck..."

"What's worse than watching your brother do a double barrel roll over 15 cars on a motorbike? Having to watch him do a half barrel roll over 8 of them. R.I.P. Bobby. Never forget."

"Hope to get down to a weight where people don't think I have an opinion on movies."

"How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? AIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"DETECTIVE: what do you think killed these two birds? ME: [picking up the only stone near their bodies] idk maybe the bird flu."

"What did Sean Connery say when his books fell on his head? I blame my shelf"

"I have a serious salad problem... ...it needs a dressing."

"If you want to work for a company that makes moisturiser, the best thing to do is to apply daily."

"A turkey was about to cross the road... when a chicken appeared and said ""dont do that that, you will never hear the end of it"""