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Joke of the Day

"I thought about opening up a cemetery... but it seems like it would be a large undertaking."

"U just HAD to be polite & hold the elevator for me. I could have had a nice, quiet ride alone. Instead, I had to be polite & talk about fall"

"I save a lot of money on all my tooth extractions by engaging in street fights.."

"Manute Bol walks into a bar And says ""The highballs are on me!"""

"How can you tell if your wife is dead The sex is the same but the dishes start to pile up."

"I hate it when people don't behave the way I thought they would when I rehearsed the conversation in my head."

"Have you heard of the book about airplane factories? It's riveting."

"What is long and hard on a Newfie? Grade 1."

"The University of Alabama is the only place... where Ancestry.com and eHarmony are one and the same."

"The first time I got up close and personal with a girl was round the back by the school bins. In hindsight, I wish I hadn't looked into that rubbish bag."