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Joke of the Day
"""oh no, this is so scary or whatever lol"" -giraffe in quicksand"
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"Who has the most dangerous job in Transylvania? Dracula's dentist."
"Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Don't get me started"
"Please may I have a new bum? Mines got a crack in it"
"What happens if Mike Tyson carries around Mjolnir all day? He gets thor arms!"
"When people ask me for advice, I tell them, ""Use your best judgment,"" which they clearly don't have if they are asking me for advice."
"how is my dick like a diamond? its the hardest substance on earth, it can't be crushed, and every girl dreams of having it."
"The story of soy milk Don't you guys think soy milk is just regular milk introducing itself in Spanish?"
"Two muffins are baking in the oven. One looks at the other and says ""it sure is getting hot in here, whew!"" The other muffin looks back and says ""Holy Shit! A talking muffin!"""
"Now that I'm older, I realize that my imaginary friend was really nothing more than an imaginary acquaintance."