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Joke of the Day

"Found my son and his girlfriend naked in his room. And I was like ""*Sex-education* is so advanced now that they also give homework!"""

"Found in a bar in Charleston... What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean. * rim shot *"

"I doubt anyone's actually ""dying"" from seeing a cute baby picture on FB, but we can always dream."

"Having survived numerous mysterious strangers attempting to kill him as a child, Hitler swore revenge on a cruel world."

"me: ah, now I will drift gently off to dreamland. refrigerator: I SHALL MAKE US SOME ICE CUBES"

"how do you kill a blonde with only one arm that climbed a lamppost? You wave to her."

"what did little billy get when he stumbled upon r/twoxchromosome? Cancer."

"Why don't female mathematicians use tampons? They are weary of anything that advertises discrete AND continuous protection."

"I was walking through a cemetery, and I saw a guy crouched behind a gravestone, so I said ""morning"", to which he replied ""no just taking a shit""."

"I saw a hot dog vendor today... She was good looking, but I don't really want a dog."