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Joke of the Day

"I hate Masseuses They're always talking behind my back"

"If the fate of the world ever depended on me opening a new plastic grocery or produce bag in under a minute, we'd all be dead."

"First witch: My hasn't your little girl grown ? Second witch: Yes she's certainly gruesome."

"The United Kingdom. A country whose name is now ironic."

"What did the creepy scientist say to his new creepy wife? Let's grow MOLD together!"

"I was on the beach with my daughter. After a while, she turned to me and said, ""Dad, you look like a lobster."" ""Oh no,"" I replied, ""Am I burning?"" She said, ""No. Just very ugly."""

"(Sexism warning) Yesterday a tree fell on a woman and killed her. What was a tree doing in the kitchen?"

"There are 2 kinds of people in this world, those who can count and those who cannot count.. I'm the 1st kind of person, I can count."

"Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, ""Please wear."""

"What's the difference between the IRS and a baby? It takes a lot more than a hammer to make the IRS shut up."